Friend Breakups: How to Move On & Heal
Anyone who has suffered romantic breakup will know the gut-wrenching agony it triggers, and anyone who has suffered a friend breakup will know that this agony is just as horrible and difficult as a romantic one.
Trust and intimacy exist in platonic friendships as much as romantic relationships. Your best friend is like a part of you. Someone you can rely on, who walks with you through challenging storms, who ‘gets’ you and who means the world to you. The love you feel for your friend is no different from the love you have for a partner or anyone else who is dear to your heart.
How to Get Over a Friend Breakup
So when your friend breaks up with you, it causes devastation on a number of levels. How can we overcome this though? Moving on from a broken friendship is difficult, but it is important that we give ourselves the time and space to heal. The methods below are some of the ways we can get through this painful process.
1. Give yourself time to reflect
Facing the heartache is an important part of accepting and moving on. It is hard to face the grieving process and reflect on what happened, but the more we pretend it didn’t happen, the longer it can take to heal and move on from it.
2. View things from a different perspective
Change is one of the hardest things we as humans experience. We are creatures of comfort and when we become used to a person or a situation, it can be difficult to fathom that one day they are no longer there. But when we acknowledge that we as people are constantly growing and changing, it becomes easier to understand that the people we were once so close to ten years ago may not be the people who will help us continue to grow in the future.
We are often attracted to different people at different times in our lives. These people help to teach us something, one way or another.
They can have a profound impact on us and be very dear to us. But it could be that they are not always meant to be in our lives because what we have learned from them and what they have learned from us has bee accomplished. Viewing things from this perspective can help the healing process become easier.
3. Focus on the good memories
Thinking about the wonderful times you had with your friend can be painful, but this can also help you move on as the happy memories fill your body with positive vibrations and help combat the grief. When you shift your attention from the negative aspect and to the positive and happy moments, it is easier to move on from a place of gratitude.
4. Talk about your feelings!
If you feel that you need to talk about the break-up, then don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Releasing your emotions is an important part of the healing process. Only by understanding all that happened can you truly begin to move on. It is when things are left unsaid or unfinished that you feel you become stuck in limbo. So no matter how hard it is to talk about your feelings, know that this is ultimately good for you.
Be honest and open with a trusted loved one or therapist. What happened? What was the role both of you played in it? Why do you feel things panned out the way they did? What have you learned from it? Approaching it from an angle of analyzing your feelings can help you understand them better.
5. Trust that the universe has a plan for you
I can recall some years ago, my best friend and I had a terrible falling out. There was fault on both sides, but for about three months she froze me out of her life. I was utterly devastated. I tried calling her, writing to her, talking about her. After a few weeks, I stopped trying to contact her, but I missed her terribly.
One day, several months later, I sent her a text message saying, “I miss you.” I received one back minutes later saying, “I miss you too.” From that day, my best friend and I re-established our connection. We haven’t fallen out again since and we remain best friends to this day.
6. Remember: This isn’t the end
We learned from our experience and our bond is stronger than ever. A breakup does not always mean the end. If you feel deep down that you and your best friend will reunite, then this is what will happen if it is meant to be. It could be weeks, months or even years down the line; but if you are meant to be in each other’s lives again, then one way or another it will happen.
If it isn’t meant to be, then trust that there is a deeper reason for why the two of you were not meant to continue your friendship. Trust that the universe knows what is best for you. Some connections are forged for reasons we cannot explain, but everyone who crosses our paths is there to teach us valuable lessons and vice versa.
Friend breakups are hard. Really hard. If you have experienced a friend break-up or are going through one, it can be difficult to view things outside of the emotional turmoil that happens as a result. Try to use these methods to help you through a break-up. Learn from what happened and remember that everything, especially our most challenging experiences, happens for a reason. Be gentle with yourself, honest with yourself and kind to yourself – dawn will break and the sun will rise again.
Want to learn to accept change? Read about How to Accept & Surrender to Unexpected Change next!