Doable Steps to Let Go of Trust Issues
Trust plays a huge role in relationships and is a prerequisite for vulnerability and intimacy. Unfortunately, these words – “trust,” “intimacy,” “vulnerability” – can scare the living daylights out of a person with trust issues.
The fundamental question that haunts many people is – “If I trust this person, will they betray me? Will I be hurt?”
This suspicion shuts down any and all efforts to open up and truly connect with another person. If there is past betrayal and trauma involved, this becomes an almost impossible feat.
Do you have trust issues? What can you do to overcome trust issues and prevent relationships from going sour?
Scroll down to learn more.
10 Tell-Tale Signs You Have Trust Issues
You think you have trust issues but aren’t sure. The people in your immediate circle blame you for being overly guarded and suspicious. And all this feedback is causing you confusion. Perhaps, you don’t know what to believe.
We’ve put together a list of 10 tell-tale signs you have trust issues.
- You are suspicious.
- You spy on people and double-check facts because you don’t believe them.
- You are hyper-vigilant with information sharing.
- You avoid commitment.
- You are overly secretive.
- You isolate yourself and prefer more alone time.
- Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to you.
- You are reluctant to open up.
- You are excessively wary of people.
- You overthink social interactions.
How many of these did you check?
If you got all of them, FYI – it doesn’t make you a horrible person. A large majority of people today have trust issues.
So, Why is it So Hard to Trust People?
Trust means that you are ready to risk opening your heart and step into vulnerability. And, don’t we all know that vulnerability is never easy.
Those who struggle with trust in relationships do so because their brains are running on auto-pilot defense mode. Memories of past betrayal push them over the edge and straight into survival mode. Understandably then, the fear of not wanting to be hurt again makes them suspicious of their partners.
Read next: How to Recognize Your Fears & Overcome Them
4 Steps To Overcome Trust Issues
1. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Schedule in time at the end of the week with your partner to openly communicate and discuss instances through the week that may point to the loss of trust.
Allow yourself to fully listen and be present with your partner. Be intentional about listening to what they have to say. Ask yourself if any of your past biases and pre-conceived are influencing how you view your partner.
Check this out next: The Secret to Becoming More Open-Minded
2. Avoid Dwelling in the Past
Have you ever caught yourself stuck in a negative thought spiral from the past? You might be aware that you are in one, but stepping out of it can be oh-so-challenging. Isn’t it?
Being stuck in a worry loop of past betrayal or past emotional hurt eats into your present moment. More importantly, it holds you and your relationship hostage, and very quickly, you will find yourself unable to trust your partner.
Take baby steps to consciously break out of your worry loop. Even if it appears challenging, remember, it very much is doable.
3. Work on Trusting Yourself
According to psychologists, trust issues are most often seen in an avoidant attachment style that a person exhibits in relationships.
Building self-trust can go a long way in helping yourself overcome trust issues in relationships. When you learn to trust yourself, you will begin to rely more on your inner knowing than your hyper-vigilant mind to guide you through being a judge of a person’s character.
“Are they trustworthy?” will cease to be a terror-inducing question because your inner knowing – intuition – has all the answers.
Read this next: 5 Creative Practices That Will Help You Discover Your Intuition
4. Create An Action Plan
Wherever you are on your build-trust journey, know that in the beginning, it will bring up anxiety, particularly because your mind will think of this as a red flag move. Creating an action plan whenever anxiety or alarm bells go off in your head is a great strategy to combat the initial jitters when building trust.
Use code words and learn to respond instead of react when feelings of doubt about your partner arise.
You can also practice meditation as a way to regulate your thoughts about betrayals that keep surfacing.
Learn to Trust Today
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them” - Ernest Hemingway
Open your heart and trust people – It is okay to take the plunge, no matter how terrifying it may seem. It will not be the end of the world for you. If anything, it will show that you have worked on building emotional resilience. The rewards of building trust within your close-knit circle are many.
Love more, fear less – you got this!
Related article: Open Your Heart Chakra & Overcome the Fear of Intimacy