How To End Your On/Off Relationship For Good
On/off relationships turn into a vicious cycle. And often, it’s one that proves tough to get out of, but even more tough to stay in.
You keep going back to what you’re used to. It’s comforting. While on the other hand, change isn’t. It’s uncomfortable. It’s unknown. There are so many what ifs. At the same time, your relationship is starting to take its toll. You can feel your mental health care failing. You know it’s obvious that you have to end the relationship - and for good this time.
Yet, every time you go to end it, you’re sucked back into the loop - you guys are off, then you’re on. It’s confusing. Feelings end up hurt time and time again.
And let’s be honest. Your friends are likely tired of hearing about your inevitable break up and then, predictable reunion. Maybe you are just as tired and exhausted about it as they are. And maybe that’s why you are reading this article.
You’ve made the decision. You are done. It’s not only taxing on your mental health care, but the relationship itself is toxic. You’ve both tried. But the truth of the matter is, maybe you just aren’t compatible and you would be better off without each other.
Shed the constant disruption in your life. Start walking toward a life where you are growing and becoming the person you want to be. Here’s how you can finally end that on/off relationship cycle and move forward with your life.
Make the Decision & Stick to It
If you are reading this, you’ve likely decided that you can’t do the relationship anymore - that it’s time to move on. Well, congrats! It might not feel like a time that calls for congratulating someone, but deep down, you likely know it’s for the best.
Before you actually end things, think about why you keep going back to the person. Is it because you are scared of the unknown? Are you terrified to be alone? Are you worried that you’ve invested so much time into the relationship that you can’t walk away?
Many people cling to a relationship that isn’t working because of the time they’ve put into it. And unfortunately, the excuse is often invalid. The sunk funds fallacy supports the fact that this excuse holds little merit. It indicates that the more you invest in something, the harder it is to let go. You think it’s a rational decision to stay in the relationship because you’ve invested so much time and emotion. But it’s not.
You’ve already lost that time and emotional investment - so if it seems like this pattern of on/off again is going to continue, it’s likely time to get out. You won’t get back that time. However, you will learn from your experience so it’s not all for naught (and don’t worry we’ll dive into this positive side a little later).
If you’re terrified of being alone, chances are out of the 7 billion people in the world, you can find someone better suited to you. It’s also a good idea to look at it from the perspective of what you want in the future. What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? And be realistic. If this person doesn’t line up with what you want, again, you are making the right decision.
Honesty & Openness Always Wins
Don’t beat around the bush here. Or play the blame game. Own up to your role in the relationship. Be straightforward about wanting to end it. Be clear, but nice. Explain that you need to move on for you - for your emotional and mental health care.
Even rehearse what you are going to say. Imagine how the person may react - put yourself in their shoes. How will they feel? Prepare yourself for it, but don’t let it sway your decision.
Make sure you leave the discussion with a clear idea that you are moving on. Don’t end up back where you started. This is crucial to end the on/off cycle. And it’s not easy. But it does get better.
This is so so important. And it is really difficult. However, you need to axe the reminders of the person. Delete their number, delete them off social media, and block them on social media. It does not mean you hate them or wish them any negative vibes. It’s for you.
It just allows you to fully step back from the relationship, minus the constant reminders and emotional upheaval that may follow every time you think of the other person or see them post online. You don’t want to be tempted to text or call them when you miss them. Because the truth is, you will. And that’s okay - mourn the relationship and take time to heal.
Use Your Support System
Break-ups suck. Whether they are amicable or you are the one the ended things, they aren’t fun. Lean on your friends! Talk to them, vent. Plan outings with them. Keep busy and distract your mind. What are friends for, right?
Don’t Jump into Another Relationship Right Away
Take time for yourself first. Heal and recover. Find things that fulfill you - without it being another person. True happiness comes from within. Only you can make yourself happy. Ending that on/off relationship was likely a step in the right direction. But give yourself time. Reset and focus on you for a change, which leads right into our next piece of advice…
Ask Yourself What You Learned
Look back on the relationship. What did you learn from it? What boundaries will you set for yourself in the future? This is your silver lining. There is always a positive twist.
Maybe you learned the drama is a waste of your time and energy. Or that it is really hard to move on but sometimes necessary. Or perhaps you learned something about yourself - you’re stronger than you ever thought possible.
Stay Positive & Look Forward!
Your heart might feel like it’s in a million tiny pieces right now. Know that it’s not permanent. These feelings are temporary. A year from now or maybe even months or weeks from now, it might not even matter. Take your time. Heal your heart. Then, take a step forward, take what you’ve learned from your experience, and walk toward a better and happier life.
Related Article: Speaking the Love Languages: The Myth of the In-Love Experience