Strategies for Self-Validation
‘Do not speak badly of yourself. For the warrior that is inside you hears your words and is lessened by them.’ - David Gemmell
If you look back on how the year has panned out, how do you feel? Do you feel that you met your goals? Did you make mistakes and wish you could rewind the clock? Are you pleased with how things have progressed?
Most importantly, how do you feel about yourself? How do you self validate?
Struggling with Self-Esteem
Many people, when confronted with this question, will think, ‘I could be a lot better’ or ‘I’m not happy with myself’ or ‘I am disappointed with myself.’ This especially rings true for people who struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence; and for people who tend to be particularly hard on themselves, the feelings of low self-worth can be debilitating indeed.
Remember, No One is Perfect
It’s important to remember that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody is a perfect person, has a perfect life and gets everything right all of the time. Being imperfect is part of being human and it is a beautiful thing. When we allow ourselves to think badly about who we are, criticizing ourselves and putting ourselves down, we are weakening the strength of our own spirit.
If someone else constantly criticizes us and makes us feel bad about ourselves, we eventually start to believe these things are true. It is no different when we treat ourselves like that – if we put ourselves down, the warrior that lives inside us is weakened.
Ally With Yourself
We are meant to be our own best friend. Even if the whole world is against us, we need to become our own greatest friend, ally and lover. This is how we become the very best of ourselves and how we let the light that shines within us expand outward towards the rest of the world.
There’s always an opportunity to begin a new cycle and a new beginning. The question is, are we going to take old habits along with us? Or are we going to rise above the voice in our heads that tell us we aren’t good enough, that we must constantly do better and that we will never be good enough?
Striving to achieve is a marvellous thing; wanting to do better can turn us into the best version of who we are. But when this sense of determination is marred by a thought process of, “I am not good enough, I must do/be better!” and not “I am good enough but I want to do/be better anyway!” then there is a problem.
How Can You Change?
How do you validate yourself? How can we start to believe in ourselves? How do we get to a point where we love ourselves, regardless of all our own flaws and imperfections? Where, every time we look in the mirror, we don’t see a myriad of flaws, but instead, we see what is unique and beautiful about who we are? One way we can do this is through self-validation.
Remember, you are beautiful. As long as you believe it, it is the truth and no one can make it anything less than true.
Wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror. It doesn’t matter if you have make-up on or not, it doesn’t matter if your eyes are puffy or your skin is blemished. Look hard at yourself. Now repeat to yourself a positive affirmation which could be along the lines of:
“I am beautiful.”
“I am wonderful just the way I am.”
“I am strong and empowered.”
“I am unique and special.”
“I am precious in this world.”
Repeat it over and over again. A hundred times if necessary. And don’t just limit these affirmations to the morning. Repeat them throughout the day – as you travel to work, on your lunch break, at night before bed. Tell yourself over and over again something positive. The more you do it, the more you will start to believe it.
Related Article: Stick To It: The Benefits of Positive Self-Affirmation
A Journal of Your Unique Qualities
What is it about you that makes you unique and special? What are the things about yourself that you are most proud of? Vow to keep a journal in the coming year where you write down all your positive qualities and attributes. Write about how you put these positive attributes into practice each day.
If kindness is one of the qualities you like about yourself, write down how you used your kindness throughout the day. If empathy is one of your specialties, write down how you used your empathy for others. Focus on the positive.
Seek Internal Validation Before External Validation
If you struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem, the chances are you are often seeking validation from others.
Before looking to others to tell you if you are a good/bad person, or if you look good, or if you have done something wrong, first ask yourself what you would answer if you asked yourself the question first. When we seek validation from others, we are essentially asking them to see the best of us, something that we are too afraid to see in ourselves first.
We must conquer this fear; we have to believe in ourselves and see the best of ourselves before anyone else does. Yes, we can reach out to others. But the validation must come from within first.
We never know what is in store for us as another year approaches. But what we do know is whether we will go forward with a positive or negative mindset about ourselves. We have the power to change our relationship with ourselves.
Reach out to friends, family and loved ones for a helping hand; but remember that the power rests with you. Become the beautiful bright star that you are and don’t be afraid to acknowledge just how unique and individual you truly are.
Read more about Self-affirmation: The 5 Best Affirmation & Oracle Decks & How to Use Them