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Here’s How to Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem

There’s no arguing with it: Humans are sexual beings. And perhaps you’ve worked very hard at your confidence or self-esteem around others (that’s awesome!), but have you ever thought about your sexual self-esteem?

Who is your sexual self?

Surprisingly, this is an essential part of who you are. This sexual self contributes to you as a whole person, whether we like it or not.

But what does sexual self-esteem mean? What are the benefits of having high sexual self-esteem? And how can you work on improving yours?

What is Sexual Self-Esteem?

Sexual self-esteem refers to how capable you feel in sexual practices.

Undeniably, this grows with age and practice (such as having more sex). It also might vary from culture to culture. Yet, there are also various other factors that come into play, which shouldn’t be ignored.

For example, sexual self-esteem can significantly be impacted by sexual abuse, health issues, physical disabilities, and more.

And yes, your sexual self-esteem can take a hit when you’re regular ol’ self-esteem isn’t doing too great; it makes sense, right? Why would you feel confident in the bedroom if you don’t feel confident outside of the bedroom?

But again, there are exceptions (always).

Our life experiences tend to shape our “sexual self.” In many parts of the world, sexual self-confidence is suppressed. In fact, there can be a ton of shame attached to how you express sexuality and your sexual self.

This can also tie into body love or body acceptance. If you feel you aren’t beautiful or attractive, your sexual self-esteem will likely suffer.

It’s confusing, to say the least. There are just so many variables that play a part.

But if you want to have a loving and intimate relationship with another and yourself, sexual self-esteem is so important!

So, it’s time to start embracing your sexuality. It’s okay to flaunt your sexual self and tune into that side of you. In fact, I encourage it. You can find so much about yourself, contributing to a greater sense of self overall.

You will also really love: 5 Yoga Poses to Spice Up Your Sex Life

How to Improve Your Sexual Self-Esteem

Sex can be such a taboo topic. But it doesn’t have to be. The truth is that sex is part of how the world goes round. Without it, you and I wouldn’t exist.

Wanting to improve your sexual self-esteem is a worthwhile goal to have. You’re allowed to feel like a sex god or goddess when it comes to making love in the bedroom or even when simply making yourself feel good.

And get this: according to researchers, orgasms are absolutely a way to work toward better health. For men, it actually can reduce your odds of developing prostate cancer. And for both men and women, it has beneficial hormonal and chemical effects.

So, let’s boost your sexual self-esteem. Let’s find body acceptance that lifts us up and helps us understand our sexual self.

1. Start By Rating Your Sexual Self-Esteem

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the best and 1 being the worst, how do you feel about your sexual self? Write that down.

Now, how do you want to feel about your sexual self? Where do you want to be? Write that number down.

This gives you a starting point. It also helps you understand if this is actually something you want to or need to work on right now.

2. Begin to Understand Your Sexual Story

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How was sex talked about in your household? Was it something that was talked about?
  • How did you learn about sex? What were you told and how?
  • How and what did you think about your body as you grew up? Were you encouraged not to talk about it, or were you open about changes happening?
  • What kind of relationship do you have with your body? When did this start? Why do you feel a certain way?

Once you have your story, you can change your narrative. You can reshape how you think about your sexual self.

3. Tell Yourself Positive Phrases or Stories

This is all about being confident in the skin you’re in!

Find phrases or affirmations that you feel connected to. Reframe how you talk to yourself. Make a real effort - we know it’s hard! But you can do this. It’s entirely possible to change your thoughts which then alter your feelings.

Some affirmations might include:

  • I love and accept my body for where it’s at and what it does for me.
  • I am passionate about gaining sexual knowledge.
  • I have the capability to become an incredible lover.
  • I can focus on pleasure and being in the moment as opposed to how I might look.

Read this article next: Why You Should Respect Your Body Even if You Don’t Love It

4. Find Your Meaning

Sex has different meanings depending on who you ask. So, ask yourself: what does sex mean to you? Is it about connecting with another? Is it simply about pleasure? Do you find power through sex?

Looking at your sexual story can help here.

Once you uncover your meaning, it’s all about acceptance, even if you might want to change it! Meet yourself halfway. Accept that this is where you’ve found meaning in sex. And accept that it will take work to alter this meaning (if that’s what you want to do). It is possible!

5. Practice!

If you aren’t in a relationship, start with yourself. Masturbation is okay (more than okay, it’s healthy for you!). In fact, it’s a great way to get to know what you like when it comes to sexual practices. If you don’t know what makes you feel good, another person will have no clue.

So, get to know down there and get to know your body!

From there, you can communicate what you’re comfortable with during sex and what you want. You’ll be able to express your sexuality that much better and feel more confident in the bedroom.

If you’re in a relationship, practice with your partner. Get to know one another. If you need to spice things up, try different things to keep it exciting. There’s no shame here!

Discover Your Sexual Self

Sexual self-esteem can open your mind to a whole other side of yourself. It can help you connect with yourself (and those you care about) on a more intimate level. When you really think about it, building your sexual self-esteem is a beautiful thing.

It’s about becoming your whole self and accepting all parts of yourself.

Tucking away pieces of yourself only causes damage and may lead to negative feelings down the road. Instead, uncover your sexual self and explore that piece of you. Use our advice above to do so.

You are human. Thus, you are a sexual being. We all are. And that’s okay.

Related article: How to Improve Your Sex Life By Being More Present

Krista Bugden

Krista Bugden

"Believing in yourself is really half the battle," says Krista. Anything is possible and you really can achieve anything you set your mind to, is her motto. Physiotherapist, Piano player, skydiver, yogi, adventure traveler and energetic force of positivity, Krista is herself a (delightful) force to be reckoned with! As... Read More

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