How to Deal With Female Jealousy & Envy
Female jealousy and envy can be tough to deal with. Anyone who has struggled with this chronically or experiences it in bouts will know full well how destructive it can be, not just in our relationships with others, but for us as individuals.
We may see someone who we think is prettier than us, more successful than us, has a better body than us, is more popular than us; a seemingly innocent observation can lead to feelings of insecurity, and feelings of insecurity can manifest in a host of negative ways including vicious gossip, insults, self-destructive behavior and bitterness.
If struggling with female jealousy while in a relationship, the results can be catastrophic, culminating in constantly checking your other half’s emails/social media, accusations of infidelity, being unable to watch a TV show or film together in case an attractive woman appears on screen, a breakdown in relationship communication and endless mental anguish.
Female jealousy is debilitating, destructive, and it hurts the person suffering from it more than anyone else.
What is the Root Cause of Jealousy?
Ultimately, jealousy springs from low self-esteem. A woman who has felt undervalued, unappreciated, who grew up believing or being told that she was ugly/worthless/would never succeed in life, or a woman who has previously been mistreated in a relationship, will be more likely to suffer from low self-esteem. Having the confidence knocked out of her, particularly from an early age, can manifest in deep-rooted issues further down the line, presenting obstacles in relationships happiness and resentment and bitterness towards other women.
The key is to believe in your own beauty and your own worth. It is true that everyone has their own unique beauty. This is not cliché; it is the truth. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to beauty; you may look in the mirror and think your nose is too big or feel your body isn’t svelte enough – but the fact is, it is you that makes you beautiful.
What lies beneath – your kindness, loyalty, determination and a whole host of positive qualities – make you beautiful. What you see as flaws are what make you unique. Individuality is beautiful; we may struggle to see this when our media bombards us with photos and information about what ‘beauty’ is and we may feel a sense of despair and inadequacy when we look at these images; how can we compete with such perfection, we ask ourselves?
The answer is that we don’t have to. We don’t need to compare ourselves with anyone. We only need to look at ourselves – really look at ourselves – and recognize the beauty we were blessed with. It might not be the same as what the media says it should be; but it is ours. What can be more beautiful than something unique and precious, something no one else was given?
We need to look at the nose we think is too big and recognize it gives us our own unique characteristic. People might have said nasty things about it, but so what? If they did, it’s usually because they have their own hang-ups and lack of self-esteem – and we cannot allow another person’s insecurities to feed our own. We need to look at the body we think is so misshapen and realize how beautiful it truly is; our bodies are temples.
It is the place where everything happens. If we were gifted with a temple of our own, no one can love and cherish it more than we can. People may comment on it, they may visit it, they may view it as a place of worship! But the only one who can truly maintain the sacred beauty of that temple is us –because it belongs to us. If we view our own temple as ugly or worthless or good for nothing, how will anyone else see the true beauty within it?
Self-esteem and confidence start from within. No matter how much anyone may try to help us or the advice given to us, the real work can only come from ourselves. Confidence will always be beautiful; it may take a while to rebuild what has been damaged, but once we start believing in our own beauty and worth, we no longer feel jealous of other women; we start to view other women as friends, not foes or threats.
We see them as human beings who are going through their own issues, who have their own insecurities and hang-ups, and rather than hating them, we feel a need to nurture them, love them and empower them. We free ourselves from the chains of jealousy and envy, which have been hurting us for so long; we transform our pain into positivity, and by doing so, we become an inspiration to other women who are suffering from the same thing, helping them to realize that we don’t have to be enemies.
We can uplift one another, compliment each other on our unique, individual beauty, boost each other’s positive qualities and realize that jealousy and envy are a manifestation of the ego, designed to thwart us from becoming who we truly are: a beautiful beacon of light for ourselves and the world around us.
Female jealousy and envy can create destruction on a number of levels and at times it can seem that there is no way out of the vicious cycle. But we must always remember we have a choice. We can choose the path towards destruction and bitterness – or we can choose the path of healing and love. It may seem that we have no choice at times, especially when the jealousy hits. But ultimately, we are in control of who we truly want to be and it is a choice that we must eventually make.
As National Women’s Friendship Day approaches, we can take this time to look at the women around us and appreciate them for their unique, individual beauty. Most importantly, we can look at ourselves and do the same; the best friendship is one we have with ourselves. Love yourself.
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