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Everything You Need to Know About Attachment Styles

One of the most beautiful experiences in life is that of falling in love: The butterflies you feel in your stomach, the way your world seems to flip upside when the apple of your eye walks into the room. It’s disorienting, boozy even, and it provides some of the most sought-after serotonin boosts available to the human body.

But did you know that each person experiences that love differently?

We each have our own personal attachment style that influences how we relate to and perceive romantic relationships.

Today, we’re going to explore these attachment styles to 1) help you better understand your partner and 2) to help you better understand yourself.

So, keep reading to learn more about which attachment styles exist and why it matters for your romantic relationship!

What Are Attachment Styles?

When we fall in love, a part of ourselves becomes connected – or attached – to our partner. But each of us attaches to someone in a different manner and with varying energy.

It is suggested that your attachment style as an adult is fiercely connected to how you learned to create bonds as a child; so even if your attachment style is currently causing you stress or anxiety, you may be able to affect progress by healing some of those childhood pains that plague so many of us.

The four different attachment styles are:

  • Secure
  • Dismissive-avoidant
  • Anxious-preoccupied
  • Fearful-avoidant

Your attachment style may change over time depending on various elements, from your partner to your self-esteem and many circumstances in between.

Let’s take a deeper look into each attachment style and what you can expect if that style applies to you.

The Four Different Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment Style

The secure attachment style is that which we all aspire towards.

When someone is secure in their attachments, they are comfortable with their partner, relaxed when being intimate and vulnerable, and not preoccupied with ideas about the relationship, or the thought of rejection.

This is someone who believes their partner when they say, “I love you.” This is someone who does not feel the urge to go through their partner’s phone or stalk their Instagram page for clues or hints of betrayal. When you’re secure in your relationships, you’re able to sit back and enjoy them rather than pull at threads looking for a tear in the fabric.

Furthermore, it’s said that those with secure attachment styles are more likely to feel satisfied in their relationships. These relationships are characterized by longevity, harmony, and a symbiotic exchange of energy.

You may be wondering how to achieve a secure attachment style.

One interesting thing to note is that researchers studied the attributes that accompanied secure attachment styles. What they discovered was that secure partners were more likely than insecure partners to both provide and seek out support in times of stress.

You might also be interested in: 6 Boundaries Crucial for Relationships in 2021

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style

The dismissive-avoidant style is low on anxiety, high on detachment from emotions when it comes to romance. These folks value their independence and freedom - often to their detriment. Avoiding attachment is the name of the game with this style, which makes it very difficult to build and maintain strong, romantic bonds.

Those with dismissive-avoidant attachment aren’t all that concerned with how their partner feels, that is, if they manage to enter into a romantic relationship. They may not feel comfortable with emotional connection and closeness, preferring to leave a wall up around their feelings and keep others out.

It isn’t that they’re scared to let others in. It’s simply that they aren’t interested.

The individuals who attempt to begin a relationship with dismissive-avoidant partners will likely experience frustration with their partner’s lack of transparency and unwillingness to open up.

Anxious Attachment Style

Those with an anxious attachment style have a hard time relaxing into their relationships.

They may focus on a fear of rejection or a preoccupation with the state of the relationship, worried that it could disintegrate at any moment. They have a difficult time living in the moment and appreciating their partner in the present.

These folks may think of their partner as their “better half,” feeling incomplete without them. They seek approval from their partner and feel uncomfortable with decisions they think their partner might disapprove of.

One of the biggest issues for relationships here is that all of that anxiety is likely to lead to clinging behaviors, resulting in a partner feeling overwhelmed and pulling away.

Check out this article next: Guided Meditation to Lower Anxiety & Raise Happiness

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

The fearful-avoidant attachment style shares the aspect of avoidance with the dismissive-avoidant style. However, the underlying cause here is fear rather than a dismissal of intimacy. There is also a simultaneous fear of being too close to or too distant from their partner, hoping for a perfect balance of independence and intimacy.

This attachment style is also known as disorganized, perhaps because of the overwhelming or unpredictable emotional reactions these individuals experience. They want to keep their feelings under control but find it rather difficult, especially with such spontaneous emotions.

The resulting relationships may be turbulent and full of drama, thanks to the fearful-avoidant’s mixed feelings about their partner - the person they want to turn to the most for support is also the person they’re inherently frightened will reject or hurt them.

What is Your Attachment Style?

While a secure attachment style may be ideal, it may also be the most difficult to achieve.

Learning about your own unique attachment style should now, however, cause stress or anxiety. Rather, this information will help you make better decisions going forward, allowing you to move towards more harmonious relationships - regardless of your style.

Just as there are perfect treasures in each of our imperfect personalities, each attachment style has something to offer.

Anxious attachment styles may result in someone considerate and thoughtful. Someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style isn’t likely to get jealous or possessive with their partner. And those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style are a blast to be around, thanks to their spontaneous nature.

If you’re still unsure what your attachment style is, take this attachment style quiz to find out!

You Deserve Love

No matter your attachment style, you deserve to be loved and feel that love within your spirit. Now that you know more about your particular attachment style, you can learn even more about your approach to relationships, allowing you to learn to acknowledge and accept the love you’ve been searching for once you’ve found it.

What kind of connections will you create?

Related article: The Significant Mental Benefits of Strong Relationships

Rhiannon Liselle

Rhiannon Liselle

Rhiannon Liselle is a student and freelance writer who, from the time she began penning letters to the moon, knew she wanted to spend her life writing. She has written for such publications as Self-Love Soup and Astrology Answers. She is a late bloomer who decided to return to college... Read More

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